Proven To Make a Difference: The Importance of Fathers

I feel like dads get the short end of the stick when it comes to appreciation. The importance of fathers in a family can’t be overstated; however, we simply don’t celebrate them in the same way we do our mothers.

I don’t know why that is; maybe it’s because they’re men, and they really don’t care about the hoopla. For the fathers in my life, that’s 100% the case.

Yet, as a society, perhaps it’s time we start paying a bit more attention. While we’ve increasingly diminished the role and necessity of fathers in the home, their absence is distressingly apparent.

Most noticeably, we see this play itself out in “three distinct areas: teenage delinquency, pregnancy, and depression.”¹

Sadly, that’s not just my opinion on the matter; it’s well-researched, and the story isn’t new. If you dig into some of the headlines of the day, you’ll likely find a common thread.

Consider this from an article shared by the Child & Family Research Partnership, an independent, nonpartisan research group at the LBJ School of Public Affairs at The University of Texas at Austin:

“Children who grow up with involved fathers are: 39% more likely to earn mostly A’s in school, 45% less likely to repeat a grade, 60% less likely to be suspended or expelled from school, twice as likely to go to college and find stable employment after high school, 75% less likely to have a teen birth, and 80% less likely to spend time in jail.”

Mothers aren’t fathers.

In a culture that wants to rid us of gender, I realize this could be an unpopular opinion. What do you mean mothers aren’t fathers? Women — or if we’re following the trend of the day, birthing people {please insert eye roll} — can be anything they want to be!

While I’m often left speechless by much of today’s rhetoric, I’m also a child of the ’70s and ’80s. I graduated college in the early ‘90s. I am well-versed in the women-can-do-it-all drumbeat that beckoned me to “bring home the bacon [and] fry it up in a pan.”

I can look back and see the slippery slope. It’s not new, though. All the way back to the Garden, women have struggled with control (Genesis 3).

And as politically incorrect as that may sound, women can’t do it all. Mothers can’t do it all. They weren’t designed to do it all.

That’s not a criticism or a statement related to competency, ability, or strength. The point is this: In parenting, one is not more important than the other.

Mothers and fathers both hold essential roles in child development. Both are needed.

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You might also enjoy: What Makes a Great Mom

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Unfortunately, men often get pushed aside in raising children and making decisions in the home.

Of greater concern, though, is the number of men that simply allow it to happen, going along as disinterested bystanders — which, by the way, also harkens back to the Garden — having children while forsaking (or abandoning) their role as fathers.

In too many cases, women are trying to be both father and mother because the dad simply isn’t present.

But the “benefits of having an engaged father are called the ‘father effect,’ and “[t]here are data-driven reasons why kids do better with a father figure in their lives.²

Why are fathers so important?

Many probably would agree that one of the plagues on our nation stems from the breakdown of the family. But with little care or concern for what might be the root cause, we’ve instead become experts at pointing fingers.

Yet, “[s]tudy after study shows that, when dads are involved with their children, they hold the key to solving a whole host of concerns: everything from drug abuse to teen pregnancy to adolescent suicide. That’s because fathers – present and involved fathers – have a unique capacity to impact the development of their children’s personalities, skills, character, and overall outlook on life.”³

One of the gifts {and sometimes heartache} of growing older is recognizing the small blessings of your youth, realizing that many of the things you often took for granted were treasures others wish they knew.

I’ve been fortunate to experience and witness the impact of godly men and loving fathers throughout my life. 

A father’s gift to his family.

My father often traveled for work when I was growing up, but he was present and engaged in my upbringing. He led our family.

Most importantly, he made church a priority. He turned to the Bible for wisdom, and as he grew in faith and knowledge of God, we, too, my mother and I, became beneficiaries of his obedience. 

Research shows that a girl’s relationship with her father — good or bad — impacts her choices when choosing a spouse. My very unscientific observations would say that’s true.

My father and husband are similar in many ways. Still, the commonality I’m most thankful for is that I’ve married a man who also recognizes the importance of fatherhood and takes his role seriously.

Neither man is perfect. Each made mistakes along the way. However, never once have I doubted their commitment to our family.

My husband and my father both have made sacrifices — personally, professionally, financially — to honor God, lead their families, and love their wives. 

Unfortunately, I know that’s not everyone’s story. Many earthly fathers have left scars on the hearts of their children. For some, the idea of celebrating dads, hailing the importance of fathers, rings bitter and hollow.  

What is the biblical role of a father?

We will never find perfection from our earthly fathers. However, the Bible does offer a biblical model for fathers and husbands to follow.

According to the Bible, fatherly characteristics include the following:

1. He is a teacher.

Raising children to love the Lord is not the church’s primary responsibility; it is the parents’ duty, fathers included.

But even outside biblical guidelines, fathers play a crucial role.

Pennsylvania State University sociologist Dr. Paul Amato studies parent-child relationships, saying, “Fathers and mothers are children’s most important teachers. Fathers might ask themselves, what are my children learning — about life in general, about morality, about how family members should treat one another, about relationships — from observing me every day?”

Here are Bible verses that reinforce this important role for fathers:

• “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)
  
• “For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.” (Genesis 18:19, NIV)
  
• “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
  
• “For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.” (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12)
  
• “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.” (Proverbs 1:8-9)

2. He serves as a role model.

You don’t have to parent long to realize the phrase, “Do as I say, not do as I do,” rarely plays out that way. Children, whether young or old, continue to watch and learn. You teach with your words but speak with your actions.

Even now, I am learning from my father. As my parents are aging, he continues to show me what unconditional love looks like in marriage.

He reminds me that God is with us always, in the big ways as we praise Him for healing, but also in the small ways, like a perfectly timed phone call in a moment of distress. 

What the Bible says:

• “The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him!” (Proverbs 20:7)
  
• “…you then who teach others, do you not teach yourself? While you preach against stealing, do you steal? You who say that one must not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? You who boast in the law dishonor God by breaking the law. For, as it is written, “The name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.” (Romans 2:21-24)
  
• “Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.” (Titus 2:7-8)
  
• “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” (1 Corinthians 16:13)

3. He disciplines.

This one deserves a qualifier. Discipline often holds a negative connotation. However, godly discipline is given in love for correction and training, to guide and protect.

And here is some of what that looks like from a biblical perspective:

• “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
  
• “The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. (Proverbs 17:27, NIV)
  
• “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.” (Proverbs 3:11-12)
  
• “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21)

4. He loves his children and also their mother.

1 Corinthians 16:14 reminds us, “Let all that you do be done in love.” It’s the motivation behind everything else and the foundation which forms strong, impactful relationships. 

So as you consider the following Bible verses about a father’s love, let’s start with 1 Corinthians 13 as the basis for what love looks like: 

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails….And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

In “The Daily Article” by Jim Denison, he included a quote by author Jon Bloom that says, “The most loving thing we can do for others is love God more than we love them. For if we love God most, we will love others best.”

And that’s the key. Loving others well starts with seeking God first.

Here are some other verses from the Bible to emphasis the impact of a father’s love:

• “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.” (Psalm 103:13)
  
• “Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:9-11)
  
• “The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him.” (Proverbs 23:24)

Additionally, one of the best things a father can do for his children is love his wife. 

• “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
  
• “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself…” (Ephesians 5:25-33)

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In considering the importance of fathers, particularly in a biblical context, this list certainly isn’t exhaustive.

We could highlight others, as well: leader (Joshua 24:15), protector (Proverbs 14:26), provider (I Timothy 5:8), prayerful (1 John 5:14-15), and forgiving (Luke 15). In fact, many of these qualities are woven throughout the listing above.

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But whether you grew up with a loving and devoted father or not, each of us has a heavenly Father, and in Him alone is found perfect love.

He is the one “[f]or Whom every family in heaven and on earth is named [that Father from Whom all fatherhood takes its title and derives its name].” (Ephesians 3:15, AMPC)

The perfect love of our heavenly Father.

The reality of a fallen world and God’s gift of free will means we deal daily with sin and its ramifications.

Innocent suffer. Evil seems to triumph. Bad things happen.

But in light of it all, we also can rest in God’s sovereignty with the full assurance that He redeems all He allows.

Justice will come. The righteous redeemed. Peace restored.

And regardless of our earthly circumstances, our heavenly Father is the place we can always turn for hope, comfort, guidance, and love.

He alone loves us perfectly and completely. You can take the following Bible verses about the Father’s love to heart.

• “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.” (1 John 3:1)
  
• “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” (Matthew 6:26)
  
• “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)
  
• “And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” (2 Corinthians 6:18)
  
• “What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way, your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.” (Matthew 18:12-14)
  
• “There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.” (Deuteronomy 1:31)
  
• “…your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” (Matthew 6:8)
  
• “I instruct you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble.” (Proverbs 4:11-12, NIV)

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For more Bible verses about a father’s love, check out the June collection of Bible verses: Good, Good Father.

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The blessing of fatherhood.

Whether it’s because of Father’s Day, a birthday, or a life event that inspires reflection, fathers are important.

The Bible tells us so, science tells us so, and most likely, experience tells us so. If you are a father, lean into your role and recognize how important you are to your wife and kids.

If you have a loving earthly father, celebrate him. He may frustrate you sometimes, and you may not always see eye-to-eye on issues. But treasure the fact he shows up.

Be grateful you have an earthly father to depend on. However imperfectly, look for the ways he has loved you and your family and made sacrifices for your well-being.  

Fatherhood is a blessing. 

• “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” (Psalm 127:3-5)
  
• “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.” (Proverbs 17:6)

In the words of Billy Graham, “A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.”

If you grew up with a loving and present father, his commitment to your family is worth celebrating. If you’re raising boys, make sure they see what biblical manhood and fatherhood look like. 

So yes, fathers are important, not just on Father’s Day but on all days, and without a doubt, they are proven to make a difference!

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Resources linked below:

1. “The Distinct Positive Impact of a Good Dad”
2. “The Science of Dad and the ‘Father Effect“
3. “Fathers Impact Child Development”

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