Not to be the bearer of bad news, but dropping kids off at college is hard. Maybe hard isn’t the right word, but it’s definitely bittersweet. Because despite the fact they’ve reached adulthood, those big “kids” are still our babies.
And while I have loved watching my own children grow into the young adults they are today, I still remember the preschool days like it was yesterday. Can you relate?
So when it came time for college drop-off, those memories started rolling. It was a happy-sad for sure. As a parent, of course, I was happy for their future, for the season of possibility and discovery college offers. From buying all.the.things and going to New Student Conferences to discussing class options and listening to their dreams, the lead-up to that freshman year of college was fun and exciting.
But also sad because their leaving signals change — change in our family dynamic, change in our relationship, just change.
Is it the way things are supposed to be? Yes. Just know there are many emotions* (see note at end) wrapped into a relatively short span of time.
So no, it’s not easy, but we do have some helpful hints to {hopefully} make it go smoother.
From parents who all have been through a college drop-off, we asked the question: Was there something you did that made college drop-off day easier for you and/or your child?
Below are a few words of wisdom for those who responded:
1. Come prepared
You can find dorm supply checklists from several retailers, and your student’s college likely has one, as well. If you are shopping at Bed, Bath & Beyond, make sure to get your College Savings Pass, which is a 20% coupon every time you shop, and it’s good through September.
But remember, just because it’s on a college dorm checklist, doesn’t mean your child will need or want it. In fact, we put together this Girlfriends’ Guide to Dorm Shopping to help you avoid some known pitfalls, as well as highlight a few “must-haves”!
However, as it relates to dropping kids off for college move-in, do everything you can to avoid making multiple trips to the grocery store, Target, Bed, Bath & Beyond, Walmart, etc. in your child’s new college town.
These places will be PACKED during college move-in weekend and will NOT add to your family fun.
I repeat…this will NOT add to your family fun!
While you likely will have to make at least one trip to the store, plan to go early.
For those with out-of-state move-ins, particularly those that require you to fly, here are some helpful words from a parent who was faced with that scenario:
“Order dorm supplies online, but plan to pick them up in a neighboring city, rather than in your child’s college town. Many of the stores nearest the university are sold out and super busy during move-in week, so picking up supplies a little off the beaten path actually saved us a ton of time.”
2. Label it
Many colleges have upperclassmen who meet you at your car to help carry stuff in. Write your child’s name, dorm name, and room number on everything (preferably on duct tape), and make sure it is visible on each tub, bag, and/or loose item.
Additionally, Marian and I put together a quick “how-to” on packing for college, so be sure to check it out! Having a plan on the front end will lessen the stress on the back end.
3. Let them lead
Remember: this is your child’s door room or apartment, not yours. And depending on the kid, you’re just asking for unnecessary drama if you try to lead rather than follow.
So yes, let them lead. Ask your son or daughter what they want to start setting up first. Ask them where they want things, and then put it there whether you think it’s a good idea or not.
I can assure you they will rearrange their room to their liking, so for you Type-A parents out there, just plan to let this go from the beginning.
4. Watch your timing
24 hours. For in-state move-ins, in particular, 24 hours seems to be the general consensus on how much time you should allocate when dropping kids off at college. Depending on the drive and circumstances, you might want 48 hours, but the point is this: Don’t Drag It Out!
Spending an inordinate amount of extra time will not make it easier and likely will make it awkward.
Have a plan. Get your sweet college student settled, and then say your goodbyes.
The samples below both were shared by parents and give you a logistical peek into what that might look like.
College drop-off scenario #1:
Friday: We moved our son in and gave him 24 hours, mostly on his own, to acclimate and meet his new dorm mates.
Saturday: We took him on one last grocery run before leaving.
As this parent shared, “I still cried, but in a good way, because I knew he was ready.”
College drop-off scenario #2:
Day 1: We moved our daughter in but left her on her own for the rest of the evening.
Day 2: We picked her up for a goodbye breakfast the next morning.
For parents who made the decision to stay overnight, it was primarily about making sure their son or daughter had everything they needed before they left. While you don’t want to rush it, you also don’t want to linger.
Be self-aware and realize that while you might be feeling sad about dropping your kid off at college, he/she likely is excited. Let them have their moment without the pressure of feeling like they’re making you sad.
Most, if not all, universities will have a variety of planned events to welcome new students to campus. Your child is going to want to participate in those (and you should encourage that) rather than spend the evening with you.
So don’t try to plan for a farewell dinner because you’ll likely get your feelings hurt when either a)your child doesn’t want to go or b)he/she is rushing through dinner in order to get to the fun stuff.
5. Time to let them fly
Momma…Daddy…it’s time. You’ve done your job helping them get to this new and exciting season of life. And now it’s time to trust.
The road ahead might include a few bumps in the road, but your child will be okay, and so will you. As one parent said, “They need to learn to be an adult; give them space to do that. Yes, there are times when you will need to help or offer advice, but remember that sometimes you just have to step back and let them learn by experience.”
I think those are wise words.
So yes, it will be hard.
Acknowledge the feelings.
Cherish the moment.
And be okay with a few tears.
It’s not goodbye forever but rather a simple “see you later.”
College drop-off “to do” list
- Enjoy the moment.
- Help unpack (“help” being the key word here!)
- Take a family photo early (mascara + tears don’t mix)
- Big hugs…I love you…see you soon!
- Head home, maybe with a box of Kleenex and some chocolate!
*To the parents who aren’t sad. That’s okay, too!
If your child decides to spend the summer telling you all the things you no longer will be able to do — When I’m in college you won’t be able to…[tell me what time to come home, tell me to clean my room, etc.; for some kids, the list is endless] — or just becomes unbearable to live with, well, perhaps that’s a small blessing.
The example above was 100% me during the summer lead-up to my freshman year of college, and quite frankly, I was such a drama queen that I think my mom was as ready for me to leave as I was to go.
I’m not saying she didn’t have any emotion about dropping me off at college, but I know for certain I had tarnished my “favorite child” status, which is tough to do when you’re an only child!
